IRVINGTON, Oregon--A forty-five inch parasite "didn't mean to be a nuissance," says Maryanne Whitaker. The tapeworm, a member of the Taenia-solium family, recently had a heart-to-heart conversation with the 45 year-old housewife and mother of two. This came after a heated argument between David Whitaker, 47, and his wife about the cost of a recent trip to the grocery store."My husband was always a big eater, but lately it's been getting a little ridiculous. No one needs to eat an entire Virgina Baked ham in one sitting," said Maryanne.
Luckily for the couple, the tapeworm-- who asked to be referred to only as "Frank"-- took some of the heat off of Mr. Whitaker. Frank explained, "After 3 hours of bickering, I had to step in just to maintain my own sanity."
When confronted with questions about its own size, the tapeworm appeared to become very uncomfortable. Frank was quick to rebuke allegations that its condition was no better than that of its host saying, "Do you think I want to live this way? All I ask for is enough sustenance to get by until the next reproduction cycle. I think it's quite evident that Dave has some sort of thyroid problem."
While he may have successfully quelled Mrs. Whitaker's wrath, Frank was upset at David's ingratitude, noting that Mr. Whitaker has not given him "a meal worth absorbing" since the argument. He added, "I would have never snuck into his digestive system during that business trip to India if I knew this is how things would go. "
No comments:
Post a Comment